My role model for the longest time Aunty Tara Fela-Durotoye turned 40 last week Monday. In celebration, a weeklong festival ‘Tara Festival’ took place in her honor and the one part of the festival that was opened to anyone interested was the TFD Conference.
After much thought I decided to attend the TFD Conference primarily to honor this ‘king-woman’ that has greatly influenced the kind of woman I’m becoming as the bible does say in Proverbs 14:28 that “In the multitude of people is the king’s honor…” also, I went to tap into the grace upon her life through a seed of my time and resource. That’s it! I didn’t go there to network or even get inspired. But guess what? I did what I wanted and got PRACTICAL answers to some of the questions that had been tugging my heart!
In typical Aunty Tara fashion the conference was impact driven with the aim of sharing with the attendees how she has been able to achieve success in 3 core areas of her life; Friendship, Mentorship and Marriage. Association is a major key to the success or failure of any individual so this was Aunty Tara basically baring it all.
During the conference, Mrs. Awosika specifically expressed her desire for every attendee to pay it forward and a few amazing people on my Instagram requested that I blog about this, so I’ve decided to share with you guys a few of the lessons I learnt at the TFD Conference. Let’s go!
P.s TFD = Tara Fela-Durotoye, FD = Fela Durotoye, TY = TY Bello.
Conversations On Friendships (Tara Fela-Durotoye and TY Bello)
TY Bello and TFD have been friends since they were 11 years old. Surely any friendship that has thrived for 29 years is worth learning from.
“Keep your friends close because they will show you the way”
- Your friends don’t have to be perfect. Look beyond their flaws because God has placed jewels in them for you.
- Be sensitive enough to spot covenant relationships as they activate certain things in you.
‘Covenant relationships’ mean God ordained friendships, these types of friendships have a strong root in Christ and always bear fruits in line with Gods will for your life. Special S/O to Temilola Adeleye my covenant friend; I love you!
“All the strength you need to go through certain things doesn’t only come from within you but friends around you”
– Tara Fela-Durotoye
- True friends tell you the bitter truth; embrace corrections from friends.
One striking thing about TFD is how warm she is towards people. At this point she shared that she consciously developed that warmth because TY had told her once that her presence/personality was intimidating to many. Imagine, what has become one of TFD’s greatest strengths came from the ‘wounds’ of her friend.
- Carry your friend along.
Because in life people operate under unique time zones, you can sometimes get ahead faster than your friends, if this happens it’s important to carry your friends along and while you’re at it, make sure you’re inspiring not oppressing.
- Some friendships expire! Be sensitive to the times.
The Holy Spirit is the best person to prompt you on this.
- Mindset is key, whatever you think is what you attract, have a positive mindset about your friendships and you will attract same.
“You can never lose by loving”
– TY Bello
Conversations On Mentorship (Tara Fela-Durotoye and Mrs. Ibukun Awosika)
Mrs. Awosika is TFD’s mentor and has been instrumental to the rapid growth and success of House of Tara International amongst other areas of her life. Their relationship has over the years evolved into a sister-sister relationship and it’s just beautiful to behold. This is goals for me and if it is for you, here are some ways to make it happen.
- A sure way to attract a mentor is to endear them to you, you can do this via your language/words, attitude and by showing respect.
It’s like when a guy is ‘toasting’ a girl, you don’t just ask on the first day “will you be my girlfriend?” you have to be sleek about it!
- Prepare yourself to be acceptable to a mentor; it should be evident that you’re serious-minded and putting in the work.
- Mentors appreciate when you take their advice and DO it. It shows they aren’t wasting their time with you.
- Do not joke with your mentor, HONOR them. You can do this by simply showing courtesy, respect, adding value with your time and resources where possible and shielding them from time wasters.
- In a case where your mentor is of the opposite sex and married, endear yourself to their spouse and children and if this does not work out, keep your mentoring relationships strictly formal and disciplined i.e. meetings should be held in an office during work hours and if there’s any sign of advancements from the mentor, flee.
Conversations On Marriage with Tara and Fela Durotoye
This #PowerCouple have been married for over 15 years and are known for public displays of affection and a glaring love and respect for each other. In few words they are #CoupleGoals.
P.s Sorry men, this session was directed towards the women as it was a women only event hence most of the lessons are tailored towards them.
“It takes a woman to give birth to a man”
– Fela Durotoye
- You partner is not a mind reader; teach him how to please you.
FD gave an instance of when Tara gave him hints on what kind of gift she wanted, when and how she wanted them.
- Be so good to your spouse that he will be looking for ways to please you. How
- Admiration (this is a step higher than respect, celebrate him always!)
- Affirmation (show he is important)
- Affection (guys like love too! Show this in your words, actions etc.)
- Be deliberate about showing vulnerability. Give your spouse room to be a man. How?
- Ask his opinion on things and do what he advices
- Do the simple things like wait for him to open the door for you or even walk you down the stairs.
- Put control systems in place to keep you in check.
Tara gave the example of how at work, before her assistant books any flight for her the first questions is “Have you told FD?”
- Mindset is key! Great guys exist and you will be found by one as long as you believe.
- 3 key steps to take before you say I do
- Know who you are (particularly your values)
- Access the values of your potential spouse (do this with clear eyes!)
- Ensure you communicate what’s important to you and he communicates what’s important to him, then make sure there is an alignment.
“Believe in the best, believe for the best and the best will come”
– Fela Durotoye
There you have it! There was much more but those are the core lesson I left with. Of course I got to meet a lot of amazing women and I reconnected with a few friends as well, brace yourself, many selfies coming up! Enjoy!